Homeless

Yesterday as I was going through my suitcase trying to decide what to wear I picked out the cutest thing that I own. I figured I should look cute on my first day of freedom. Then I went to the mall and got a lot of dirty looks and realized that compared to everyone else I looked like trash. It's not that my clothes are old but they don't fit right anymore and they've been worn and washed in Sudan which automatically makes them weird.

Plus I've gotten used to doing whatever I want in the heat. By that I mean that I don't do anything to make myself look cute. It was always too hot to wear my hair down so I would just pull it up. Makeup just sweat off so I never put that on either. Really my number one priority for the last 2 1/2 years was doing anything to not be so hot and looking cute was nowhere near as important. Really being presentable only consisted of wearing culturally appropriate clothing.

Now it seems strange to me that you're supposed to make yourself look decent before you go outside. In the big scheme of things is it really all that important? I guess so, based on all the nasty looks that I got at the mall.

But what am I supposed to do about this? I mean, everything that I own at this point in my life is in that suitcase and that was the cutest shirt I found. I don't want to spend a lot of money on clothes now because I have a skewed perception of fashion after life in Africa. What if I buy things and then get to America and look like an idiot?

But I can't keep looking like this. It's one thing to look kind of trashy when you're the only white girl around. People assume that you're a normal person capable of looking nice but that you just chose to dress like that and it's somehow ok. But when I get to Eastern Europe and am just another white girl in the sea of white girls people are just going to think I'm homeless.